In the Garden
by mandeekins
Summary: Love triangles! Fighting! Deception! The kinky Harlequin! All this and more, in the newest soap opera... IN THE GARDEN! [swearing, sex, and more... not for the kiddies]
1. In the Garden - Prelude

**PRELUDE TO 'IN THE GARDEN'**

  


  
    Hello. Thank you for selecting the internet's finest online, dramatic, humourous, Final Fantasy 8 soap opera. We're please you thought it interesting enough to click the link and end up here. 

    This is an ongoing series, constantly being updated. Alina and I (Mandee), devote our generous amount of time and nothing-to-do-ness to bringing you this series. We make each chapter via AIM, where we play the roles and brainstorm this. 

    You will see many acts of sexuality, swearing, kinky Harlequins, and evil bunnies in this. If you can not handle our ... twisted ... humour, then leave. Leave, I say! If you can, on the other hand, please enjoy yourself. Get some soda. Grab a bowl of popcorn. Send us $17.46 for the hell of it. =] 

    It's (insert time here). Do you know where your parents are? 

    _-- Mandee_   


  
PS- please review or those evil bunnies and/or kinky Harlequins will be making a stop are _your_ house. ;) 


	2. In the Garden - Episode 01

_The premiere of the soap opera, IN THE GARDEN..._

**EPISODE ONE: STAR CROSSED LOVERS**

  
_...aka: Alina and Mandee's Mentality_

_[SCENE 1: Quistis and Squall are sitting in a cheap motel room. Don't ask why. She tries coming onto him...]_   


  
**Quistis:** (after a few minutes of silence) I... I love you squall! Why don't you love me back?!  
  
**Squall:** (cold and frosty) hmph. Like I care. Wuddevva.  
  
**Quistis:** But... but... (cracks whip) I LOVE YOU! ... Hmph! Fine! Be that way. I'm too strong and empowered for you!  
  
**Squall:** I'm distant from people because I have _ISSUES_.  
  
**Quistis:** (doesn't care) I can... make the issues go away... (gets nice an' close)  
  
**Squall:** (goes all uncomfortable-like)  
  
**Quistis:** Just give me a chance! Love me the way I love you! (scoots even closer)  
  
**Squall:** o_o; (steps back all clumsy and awkward-like)  
  
**Quistis:** You cause me so much pain ;_; (jumps on him, begins shaking him) I LOOOOVE YOU! (kisses repeatedly, passes out) x_x  
  
**Squall:** I didn't ask you to love me. (hmph)  
  
**Quistis:** x_x  
  
**Squall:** Um... (stares in horror at the fainted Quistis)  
  
**Quistis:** x_x  
  
**Squall:** (carries her off to the infirmary) Not my problem.  
  
**Quistis:** (wakes up in his arms) YOU DO LOVE ME! *_*  
  
**Squall:** (panics and drops her)  
  
**Quistis:** Ow! (rubs butt... sexily)  
  
**Squall:** (averts eyes quickly) ¬¬;  
  
**Quistis:** (stands up, but bends over... sexily... to pick up her whip; stands back up, but bumps into him... sexily...)  
  
**Squall:** Heh... (embarassed)  
  
**Quistis:** (stays there) >)  
  
**Squall:** (stares nervously)  
  
**Quistis:** (grrrrrrrinds)  
  
**Squall:** (faintly aroused... faintly, though) Haaaaa...  
  
**Quistis:** Ooooh? (feels something bumpin' up)  
  
**Squall:** Erm...  
  
**Quistis:** (still senses it; rubrub)  
  
**Squall:** (looks down) Gah! (jerks back)  
  
**Quistis:** We all have needs... I think I know yours... (purr)  
  
**Squall:** (squirms) ... o_o;  
  
**Quistis:** Don't be so frigid! (rubrubrubrubrub)  
  
**Squall:** (bets she doesn't know his needs)  
  
**Quistis:** I bet I do... (smirk)  
  
**Squall:** (annoyed she called him frigid) Grr.  
  
**Quistis:** Aww... I'm sorry. (haughtily) You're not as simple as you look.  
  
**Squall:** (gone moody now)  


  
_[SCENE 2: Same cheap ole' hotel room, but now Quistis becomes quite frusterated.]_   


  
**Quistis:** Fine then! _FINE!_ You know, I am the only person who truly loved you! ;_; Rinoa is just a slut!  
  
**Squall:** Rinoa.... (dreamy-eyed)  
  
**Quistis:** (slaps him) She's a SLUT. A SLUT I say! She fucked Seifer last week.  
  
**Squall:** (rubs the red mark on his cheek) ...she did?  
  
**Quistis:** Yes.  
  
**Squall:** (pretends not to care)  
  
**Quistis:** (sees that he cares)  
  
**Squall:** ...  
  
**Quistis:** (sneers) I heard them in the room across the hall... she was having the time of her life... there was a bit of spankin', too... oooooh, I could just _HEAR_ those moans.  
  
**Squall:** Feh. (turns away)  
  
**Quistis:** She must have loved it. I hear he is pretttty big. She mustn't have been satisfied with just you...  
  
**Squall:** ... (snarrrrl)  
  
**Quistis:** (saunters around; smirk) ...and her orgasm must have been huge. She screamed for about 15 minutes straight... and not only that... I don't think they used a condom.  
  
**Squall:** ... (fists tremble)  
  
**Quistis:** Aww... there, there.  
  
**Squall:** (grits teeth; deep frown)  
  
**Quistis:** (hidden smirk)  
  
**Squall:** (thinks he notices the smirk)  
  
**Quistis:** ("not much longer..."; hides smirk immediately)  
  
**Squall:** Hmm? ô_o Hmm.  
  
**Quistis:** (innocent look)  
  
**Squall:** (depressed now, moody sulks)  
  
**Quistis:** (scoots closer)  
  
**Squall:** (feels slightly comforted, looks up)  
  
**Quistis:** (hopeful i-really-really-want-you look)  
  
**Squall:** ...  
  
**Quistis:** ...  
  
**Squall:** ...want a soda?  
  
**Quistis:** ... ... ... uh. Okay?  
  
**Squall:** (acts cool, as usual)  
  
**Quistis:** (hears banging noises on the wall; scoots to the wall, listens; evil smirk) It's... Rinoa and Seifer... again.  
  
**Squall:** ... O_o  
  
**Quistis:** (hears various moans and groans; "ooooh... rinoa!! ri--rinOOOAaaa..."; "uuuhmmmf! ah, ah, ah, se-seifer!")  
  
**Squall:** (walks off quickly, enraged)  
  
**Quistis:**: (catches his shoulder) Don't leave!  
  
**Squall:** Why not? I'm not wanted _HERE_.  
  
**Quistis:** I...I want you!  
  
**Squall:** (considers beating Seifer up)  
  
**Quistis:** (considers shagging squall right here, right now)  
  
**Squall:** What are you thinking? ¬¬  
  
**Quistis:** (shags him ragged)  
  
**Squall:** It was too rushed. I feel like there was no emotion. (moody)  
  
**Quistis:** Not at all! (cling) Let's get married.  
  
**Squall:** ...you're my TEACHER.  
  
**Quistis:** ... so? we're the same age! ;_;   
**Squall:** How do I know that if I get close to you you won't just hurt me? (angst)  
  
**Quistis:** Because I shagged you ragged?  
  
**Squall:** That's not...a good enough reason to get married.  
  
**Quistis:** Because.... (romantic look) I wuv yew?  
  
**Squall:** ... really?  
  
**Quistis:** Yes!  
  
**Squall:** How do I know you really mean it?  
  
**Quistis:** ... (kisses passionately, but realizes what she's doing. Blushes profusely and rushes out)  
  
**Squall:** ...  


  
_[SCENE 3: While Quistis leaves so suddenly, Harle from Chrono Cross enters! O_o;]_   


  
**Squall:** (puts stuff on the armchair, and just sort of stands, staring into nothingness, for awhile)  
  
**Harle:** Ahhh, bonjour, Monsieur le ... whateva. You are looking quite ze beautiful today, no?  
  
**Squall:** Eh, I dunno it...  
  
**Harle:** Ahh, zese ... uh, yeah, peoples. Zey are all zo high-stringed, no? Alors! I make a joke! I am ze funny one, la? (begins applying makeup)  
  
**Squall:** Who are you?  
  
**Harle:** (looks up from mirror) And what is zis? A bee-yoo-ti-ful perzon, just for me to be playing weeth! I deed not notize 'ow bee-yoo-ti-ful you were! Oh, I am zo lucky!  
  
**Squall:** ...  
  
**Harle:** (minces across the room and clings to squall)  
  
**Squall:** Uh...thanks...whatever...  
  
**Harle:** Allo, bee-yoo-ti-ful! What a coincidence, ees it not? 'Ere you are, and you are bee-yoo-ti-ful, and zo am I! Come, let us make ze bee-yoo-ti-ful music togezer! Alors, I am seeing a guitar just 'ere! (points to nothingness)  
  
**Squall:** You're... a bubbly person. O_o;  
  
**Harle:** (has deathgrip on waist) Ah, come, come, my pretty one, do not fight! It eez fate! It eez destiny! Ah, l'amour! Ah, le toujours! We shall be as one forevair!  
  
**Squall:** (struggle)  
  
**Harle:** Ah, non non, mon petit de cabbage! Come, give over zis fooleeshness, and we shall run away to ze Casbah!  
  
**Squall:** (terrified silence)  
  
**Harle:** You do not need to play ze hard to get, bee-yoo-ti-ful! Every struggle ees a struggle of love! I zhall be strong! I zhall ween you yet, my leetle peanut!  
  
**Squall:** (looks around desperately for help)  
  
**Harle:** (switches to death grip on neck) See! He clings back to me, radiant with ze looove! ;_; Ah, I am ze irresistible! You are ze moon, mon petit, and I am ze June, no? You are ze banana and I am ze split! We were meant to be togezer! Love, ees it not wondairful?  
  
**Squall:** (pries at her hands to escape)  
  
**Harle:** Oh? What is zis? The leetle one, he weeshes to hold my hand, love eet ees! 'ow sweet it ees! Of course we may!  
  
**Squall:** (choking)  
  
**Harle:** (let's go for a moment, puts hand out, thinking he wanted to hold hands)  
  
**Squall:** (gags, wheezes)  
  
**Harle:** Do not choke, l'amour! Breathe! Breathe, I zay!  
  
**Squall:** (regains composure; stares)  
  
**Harle:** Oh ho... he weeshes to play ze bashful lovair, and to be wooooooed! He weeshes me to stare heem down, to return my love, la? Thees I shall do! Oh, I am staring back, mon pumpkin d'amour! (stares back lovingly)  
  
**Squall:** (stare)  
  
**Harle:** (talking to no one in particular) Ahhh, such a bee-yoo-ti-ful hunk of ze manhood... but no, I stare at ze scar-faced one! He ees bee-yoo-ti-ful, no?  
  
**Squall:** o_o;  
  
**Harle:** Come! We zhall be lovers! Indeed! Wheesk me away, l'amour!  
  
**Squall:** But...we only just met... O_o; (wonders who she is, anyway)  
  
**Harle:** Monsieur! I am your love! I am Harle! I am of ze french. Now, we zhall make sveet love, duzk until ze dawn, non? (pauses, gets no response, continues) Come, lovair! Ze bed avaits us! (drags him to the bed)  
  
**Squall:** (too scared and numb to struggle)  
  
**Harle:** Oh ho, ze cat of speekingness, he has got your tongue, non? Haha! I make a funny! Haha! I am ze jokair today, non? (pause, gets no response, continues) L'amour! Ah, ze leetle one, he is too embarrassed to be speaking! 'ow cute. Do not worry, leetle one, I am not to be biting yoou! ... hard!  
  
**Squall:** (laughs weakly, wonders what he was laughing at) ... (pauses, takes in the sentence) ... biting? o_o;  
  
**Harle:** (nibbles) Oh ho! You are quite ze zveet one, non?  
  
**Squall:** Uh... (winces at nibbling)  
  
**Harle:** Now now! Do not be shy, monsieur! Harle can tell that it ees she who you love, no? There ees no need for these theatreecs!  
  
**Squall:** (thinks what would happen if he said no)  
  
**Harle:** Ah! Do not speek, l'amour! Eet ees time for the making of love, non?  
  
**Squall:** (struggle; breaks free of death grip with some super-human strength; starts towards the door)  
  
**Harle:** (grips him once again) No, l'amour! Do not leeve the one you love!  
  
**Squall:** Look. I never said I loved you.  
  
**Harle:** (looks at him with love)  
  
**Squall:** I just met you.  
  
**Harle:** (minces across the room to him) But, mon petit cabbage!... we vere MEANT for one anotheer! (clings)  
  
**Squall:** ... (doesn't know what to do with hands)  
  
**Harle:** Ah, monsieur! Do not be scared. Do vhatever you want... (rubrubrubrubrub)  
  
**Squall:** (sweatdrop) Uh... o-oh!, look at the time!  
  
**Harle:** (clings) Do not leeve me!  
  
**Squall:** And why shouldn't I? (folds arms)  
  
**Harle:** Becuz I love thee? Oh ho! Let me count ze ways!... (notices his awkwardness) Ah, non non, mon petit de cabbage! Come, give over zis fooleeshness, and we shall run away to ze Casbah!  
  
**Squall:** ..."the Casbah?"-- where's that? o_ô  
  
**Harle:** ... Neveermind! I zhall be strong! I zhall ween you yet, my leetle peanut!  
  
**Squall:** (wonders again who she really is)  
  
**Harle:** I am Harle le Quin! Ze french harlequin of Chrono Crozz, zilly one!  
  
**Squall:** I see. (blank look)  
  
**Harle:** (death grip, once more)  
  
**Squall:** How did you find me?  
  
**Harle:** Eazily! Love led me to you! Oh, eet ees true love, mon pumpkin d'amour!  
  
**Squall:** Rrrright. (skeptical) I know nothing about you, though...Harle.  
  
**Harle:** ...  
  
**Squall:** (surprised to see her lost for words... very surprised)  
  
**Harle:** ... (becomes moody)  
  
**Squall:** o_o; (begins fearing for his life)  
  
**Harle:** Ze... ze hunk of man ees so foreboading. (hmph)  
  
**Squall:** (wonders what he said)  
  
**Harle:** (ignores, icily glares)  
  
**Squall:** (backs away)  
  
**Harle:** Zee?! He is a pussy-chicken-cat! He runz from a mere feemale!  
  
**Squall:** Hmph. I'm not running, you just seem you need some space...!  
  
**Harle:** _HMPH!_  
  
**Squall:** Fine. Whatever. (picks jacket off the bed) Later.  
  
**Harle:** (twitches; mutters) ..._freek_.  
  
**Squall:** (spins round) What makes me a freak?!  
  
**Harle:** Oh ho! Now monsieur speeks to me?! Hmph! You are a freek beecuz you are afraid of your em-oh-zions.  
  
**Squall:** Afraid? Me?! .... bah.  
  
**Harle:** Yez, you! You are afraid, l'amour!  
  
**Squall:** Who are you to say what I'm afraid of?!  
  
**Harle:** I am Harle! That ees who!  
  
**Squall:** I don't have to show my emotions to anyone!  
  
**Harle:** (icy stare)  
  
**Squall:** (looks back)  
  
**Harle:** (stare)  
  
**Squall:** Whatever. (turns to go)  
  
**Harle:** On ho! No, you don't, monsieur! I zhall make my _own_ leave. You can ztay here, een your... pa-tet-eek leetle ho-telly. (sashays out; leaves) 

  
_[SCENE 4: After Harle's amazingly dramatic exit, Rinoa stumbles in, somewhat drunkenly]_   


  
**Squall:** (sits on the edge of the bed and stares at the floor; depressed, moody, angsty, brooding; ponders what the hell just happened and how two woman can come onto him in one day?)  
  
**Rinoa:** (stumbles in with a goofy grin on her face, clothes dishevelled and hair messy) ...oh, Squall...! uh... uh... hello. I didn't know you were... here.  
  
**Squall:** (head spins round) ...uh, hi.  
  
**Rinoa:** (bites lip) Umm...  
  
**Squall:** Do you know anything about that crazy girl who was just here?  
  
**Rinoa:** No, baby... (begins advancing)  
  
**Squall:** Whew. I think she was nuts... um...  
  
**Rinoa:** (sits on the bed next to him, runs her hand across his chest, waits for response, doesn't get one; stares at the floor for a few minutes)  
  
**Squall:** (cracks his weak joke) ...is the floor that interesting?  
  
**Rinoa:** (tries to take the joke in, doesn't get it)  
  
**Squall:** (nervous when she doesn't smile)  
  
**Rinoa:** (finally gets it, after her drunken stupor clears for a moment) Heh. Yeah, I guess...  
  
**Squall:** ...so...  
  
**Rinoa:** ...anyway... (cracks a smile)  
  
**Squall:** (waits for a few minutes; speaks darkly) How's Seifer.  
  
**Rinoa:** ...  
  
**Squall:** (turns away)  
  
**Rinoa:** W-what do you mean?... ;_;  
  
**Squall:** I HEARD you... Thin walls, remember?  
  
**Rinoa:** I ... don't know what you're... talking about ... ... ... (drunken-fake-innocent look)  
  
**Squall:** I said I _heard_ you.  
  
**Rinoa:** You... you couldn't have! Nothing went on in there! Nothing, I swear it!  
  
**Squall:** Don't try and lie. I know. Quistis knows. But now it doesn't matter.  
  
**Rinoa:** Quistis knows?!... the bitch. She told you, didn't she?! (curls hand in a fist, then stops) ... nothing happened! I... swear it.  
  
**Squall:** Then why're you so nervous? And you're also seemingly _drunk_. I can smell it in your breath.  
  
**Rinoa:** I'm not nervous at all! (stands up and backs away from the bed; knocks lamp over)  
  
**Squall:** And she didn't just tell me, I ... heard ... for myself.  
  
**Rinoa:** ... it meant nothing, though! There was no love, it was for kicks. We can still love each other, right...?  
  
**Squall:** Don't you even care how I feel about it?  
  
**Rinoa:** But--but--  
  
**Squall:** You SLEPT with him, without even thinking of me.  
  
**Rinoa:** ... don't be so moody! (tries to think of an excuse) ... you never loved me anyway!  
  
**Squall:** (turns around) Was he better for you?  
  
**Rinoa:** ... (takes a deep breath, straightens her drunken posture) And why would you want to know.  
  
**Squall:** That's what you think, Rinoa. I did love you.  
  
**Rinoa:** (idiot remark cuz she can't think of anything else) Well, what's love without being sure? You didn't do anything special for me! Hmph. I'm sure you shagged Quistis or Selphie or some other chick. So why can't I shag Seifer? ... or, wait. He's your RIVAL, hmm?  
  
**Squall:** ... he's _NOTHING_ to me.  
  
**Rinoa:** (under breath) Liar.  
  
**Squall:** I don't give a damn what happens to him.  
  
**Rinoa:** That's a lie! You're jealous, I know it. (gets a wicked smirk across her face)  
  
**Squall:** (growl) 

  
_[SCENE 5: Squall realizes his true feelings, and Seifers enters the room...]_   


  
**Seifer:** (saunters in and embraces rinoa) Hey, babe...  
  
**Rinoa:** Seifer! (attempts to push him off, but is too drunkenly weak) Squalllllll is here. (dodgy looks) He _knows_...  
  
**Squall:** (bristles visibly; draws in breath) You.  
  
**Seifer:** Yeah, me. I stole your chick.  
  
**Squall:** Don't call her a 'chick'.  
  
**Seifer:** She's MY chick.  
  
**Rinoa:** Seifeeeer. You're embarassing me. (blushes)  
  
**Squall:** You bastard. She doesn't 'belong' to anyone.  
  
**Seifer:** Now she does. Ain't that right?  
  
**Rinoa:** (looks drunkenly at him) Anything for you, love...  
  
**Squall:** (looks at them both) Fine. I hope you're happy together.  
  
**Rinoa:** No! Squall! Can't I love... both of you? ;_;  
  
**Squall:** (twitch) You're joking.  
  
**Rinoa:** No! I'm not! (embraces him)  
  
**Squall:** (pushes her away, grabs his stuff aggressively and packs his books for studying)  
  
**Seifer:** What? You're declining my woman? Who do you think you are? You should be begging to have her back! Man, she's great in the bedroom.  
  
**Squall:** (flinches, enraged; fumes for a fem moments) You BASTARD! (lunges and punches him)  
  
**Rinoa:** (stares blankly)  
  
**Seifer:** (rubs reddening mark) You... fucking... outcast! (punches back)  
  
**Squall:** (staggers; bloody nose)  
  
**Seifer:** THIS is why no one loves you! Go on, go back to Quistis. She's the only one who will love you!  
  
**Rinoa:** Why can't we all just get along? ;_; (sob)  
  
**Squall:** I don't care if nobody loves me or not!  
  
**Seifer:** (hmph) That's a lie.  
  
**Squall:** You fuckin' player.  
  
**Rinoa:** P...player? You mean, I'm not the only one?!  
  
**Squall:** (stares icily) I wouldn't be surprised. Him and his 'chicks'.  
  
**Seifer:** Liar!  
  
**Squall:** Not lying, just truthful.  
  
**Seifer:** (wraps arms around rinoa's waist) You're the only one, babe.  
  
**Rinoa:** R-really? *_*  
  
**Seifer:** Of course. (kisses her DEEPLY in front of Squall; slight smirk)  
  
**Squall:** (can't help but stare, aghast)  
  
**Rinoa:** (can't help herself, moans) Mmm...  
  
**Squall:** (grimaces; shaking with rage and frustration, DOES go this time. Out the door.)  


_As Squall left the hotel building, he vowed to himself never to fall in love again to avoid disappointment. But, from a distance he can hear Cid's screams (moans?), whips swashing, chains clanking, and Edea's cackle (giggle?) and ponders to himself, "What the hell?"_


End file.
